Purposeful Waiting

“How much longer?” 

A question we’ve asked over and over and over again. A question that probably began it’s forceful pushing, cracking the surface, threatening to boil over about eight years ago. We’d sit, anxious and tired after a long day: narrowly focusing on the future; comparing ourselves to our friends, family, and colleagues; and wondering when things would start happening for us.

We battled. We cried. We sank to our knees in overwhelm. We whittled ourselves down to skin and bones. All this for many answers that we still don’t have, almost a decade later.

We kept going, kept peeling ourselves off the hard ground. Day after day, week after week, month after month until the passing of time added up to years. Still no answers. 

And then we tried something different: We let go.

We pried our hands open, as terrifying as it was, as impossible as it felt. We let ourselves freefall into the unknown. We learned how to somehow enjoy the stretch, enjoy the wait, enjoy the tension. We began to trust that we were exactly where we were supposed to be: right now, in this harrowing and uncertain and freeing moment. We believed wholeheartedly that we had exactly what we needed today; that there were refining lessons in the hand to mouth life; that we were called to serve in all seasons, not just our seasons of strength. We allowed all the fear, the ambiguity, the waiting to work for us. We trusted in what was to come and fully embraced what we had today.

In this daily, sometimes moment by moment, decision to allow, everything changed. 

We learned how to seize the opportunity in purposeful waiting. 

We learned what to accept, what to allow, and what to work at with all our might.

We learned that “hard” doesn’t mean failure or bad or punishment, it means growth and learning and expansion.

We learned how to make the most of each day: grateful for what we have, big and small; making time for the meaningful; and proactively cultivating our life to reflect what matters.

We learned that after the long, dark night of restlessness there is always a sunrise. The longer the night, the more breathtaking that long anticipated moment of the sun painting the sky in vibrant shades and dusting the earth in golden light.

Sunrise is coming: It’s up to you what you do with the darkness.