It’s All in the Habits
Your alarm goes off and you quickly hit snooze: It’s okay, you can skip the gym today.
Your alarm goes off and you quickly hit snooze: It’s okay, you don’t really need to make eggs this morning. A piece of fruit will do.
Your alarm goes off and you quickly hit snooze: It’s okay, you can go one more day without washing your hair. Dry shampoo was created for a reason, right?
You peel into your usual parking spot and schlep your way up three flights of stairs, breaking a sweat. Throwing yourself onto your office chair, you open your phone to an onslaught of new emails, messages, and missed calls since last night. You already feel behind, but promise yourself that tomorrow you’ll do better.
You make it to lunchtime and scarf down something random you tossed together this morning in your rush to get out the door.
You autopilot your way to the end of the work day, drive home with relief that you made it through another day, sit in your driveway for a few minutes scrolling your phone, and then drag your exhausted and depleted self through your door.
Time to start dinner, clean up the mess from your frenzied morning, and get the nighttime tasks going.
Before you know it, it’s 8:30p and you feel like you’ve been in reaction-mode all day long. You scroll a little longer on the couch, avoiding the reality that bedtime is drawing near and, before you know it, it’ll be time to start it all over tomorrow.
We’ve all been there: head down on the pillow after a full, but unfulfilling, day. Where did the day go and what did we actually do with our time? Trying to shake that restless, mundane feeling, but all that’s rolling around in your mind is another task list for tomorrow.
This is how a life passes with no direction, no foundation, and no clarity. A whole life dedicated to reacting to everything coming down the line leaves you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted.
Real talk: There will always be laundry to be folded, dishes to be loaded in the dishwasher, texts and emails coming in. But, it doesn’t have to rule your life. There is another way.
The foundation of a good, fulfilling life is your habits. Think of habits as a gentle recorrect, a nudge back on track, a lighthouse at sea.
These habits can be inspired by other tools or books, but are only effective if they’re developed specifically for you: created around your personal rhythms, needs, and values. This is why changes you implement after watching a video on Youtube or applying a list of tips from an Instagram post don’t stick; this is why starting the new year committed to fresh habits with your partner fizzles out after a week.
If you put in the work and gradually form your habits around your values and what matters most to you, you’ll notice your life changing little by little. It’ll start with looking forward to your day and opening your eyes in the morning with a heart full of gratitude. Then, you’ll start noticing the feeling of the wind at your back as your days seem fuller, but somehow easier and happier. Sounds great, doesn’t it?
You’re only as strong as your weakest habit so I recommend starting at the weakest, most painful, point in your day. This pain point should offer the most benefit to change and will get you where you want to go the fastest. I bet you know the part of the day or the daily quirk that is holding you back. You likely just keep falling into it, resolving that you’ll modify it tomorrow. Start small with a new action that you can actually manage to begin to remedy this weak spot.
For me, the toughest point in my day was (and still is!) mornings. I was always pushing snooze until the last minute and rolling out of bed, starting my day rushed and frenzied. This feeling carried over to the entire day, running a tight line threatening to overload my bandwidth with each hiccup in the day. I made a few mistakes when I was trying to better my mornings: attempting a complete and lengthy overhaul rather than starting simple. It failed a few times until I realized I was trying too much too quickly. So, I started incorporating something I love, writing, into each morning. Instead of dreaded time, flying out of bed at the last second, my mornings became sacred, something I look forward to and enjoy with a warm mug of coffee, a pen, and peaceful silence. Once you get that small habit down to second nature, then you can start building on. This small habit change is all about moving in the direction you want to go.
Some of my favorite habits that I’ve incorporated over the last year or so include:
A life-giving morning routine with my favorite things (reading, writing, and coffee!)
Committing to creating energy each day by moving my body 30 minutes a day + eating foods that make my body happy
Replying to phone calls and messages at 12p and 4p
Putting my phone “to bed” at 9:30p every night in the bathroom
Social media-free Sundays
Eventually, you master your daily habits and then you can start reassessing by week, month, and year. Although the daily habits matter for building momentum, I’ve found the most fulfillment and reward in the yearly habits: doing a review of our previous year’s schedule and commitments (What did I enjoy? What was worth the time and energy invested? What aligns with my values?), identifying one goal as a couple and one goal individually for the year, and tentatively planning travel for the following year that January. I find this directs us for the entire year.
The overarching idea is to budget and invest our time and influence like we do our financial resources. After all, time is our most valuable, nonrenewable resource. How are you using it?
If this interests you, check out these additional resources: my “Golden Guide”, Essentialism by by Greg McKeown, and Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar.